OOPS

I'm sorry about the lack of updates. If you think it's because I haven't been sticking on track well OHOHO you're quite wrong.

So, Wednesday was a good day too and Thursday was as well. My major problem still is eating, but even with the limited sources I have until I can make my food tomorrow and Sunday, I have still eaten ten times more healthy this week than anything. I'm SUPPOSED to be drinking a gallon of water a day but uh.

Well.

Let's just say we're getting there. Not much of it retains before I pee it all out anyway. OOPS.

Anyways, the gym is turning out to be the easiest part of this thing. I mean, pushing myself through every exercise is still a hassle sometimes but it's funny how a week's worth of going to the gym and doing legit workouts make it something that feels like it already needs to be part of my day. I love going there, I love that they're starting to recognize me, I love that I KNOW I'm kicking major butt because of the way my body is reacting and I just. Ugh. It's so great.

Even though I haven't quite seen an outward change yet, I already feel a change within me. I still have the same amount of time during the day, but I feel like I can focus better. I'm working on art again. I'm finishing books I haven't finished before. I don't feel like I'm in so much of a rush anymore? I used to get off work and bolt it home to be on the computer. Now I'm finding that I can appreciate stuff like I used to. Like the sunsets and the Utah skies. I can sit in my car for a few minutes, just to the listen to the rain. I'm listening to music more again. I go into random restaurants just to sit alone and read.

I feel like most of this is all coming back to the fact that I'm starting to enjoy my own company again. I'm alone a lot and when I'm alone I'm usually consumed with a need to be around people. Now? I don't know. I like having moments by myself. I like going to the movies by myself sometimes. I like sitting in restaurants and enjoying meals by myself. I feel like it's really empowering and liberating and I like my own company.

I suppose that's a good thing since you should always shoot to be the kind of person you'd want to hang out with yourself.

Anyways, THIS is what I'm talking about for lifestyle change. Finding this target and this direction is what I've been looking for all along and it's only going to get better as I continue to get stronger. It means a lot to me that if I can say NO to a certain food type or YES to a workout and make myself behave, I really have the control I need to make it out of the rest of my situations.

I dunno if that makes sense haha.

Anyways, so yeah. This weekend will all be cooking, so I'll be sure to post some pictures of that.

AND THEN I'LL POST A PICTURE OF THE GIANT FAN IN PLANET FITNESS.

IT'S SO BIG.

Sometimes I find myself staring at it thinking, "Hello fan, please to not be crushing me now."

I know this sounds completely ridiculous but you'll understand when I get you a picture tomorrow.

Just a shoutout, really quick, to everyone who has been consistantly supporting me so far. I cannot tell you how much that means to me. I don't know what I'd do without you all and telling you about this was the best thing I've ever done.

Anyways,

I hope you all have a good weekend!