OOPS

I'm sorry about the lack of updates. If you think it's because I haven't been sticking on track well OHOHO you're quite wrong.

So, Wednesday was a good day too and Thursday was as well. My major problem still is eating, but even with the limited sources I have until I can make my food tomorrow and Sunday, I have still eaten ten times more healthy this week than anything. I'm SUPPOSED to be drinking a gallon of water a day but uh.

Well.

Let's just say we're getting there. Not much of it retains before I pee it all out anyway. OOPS.

Anyways, the gym is turning out to be the easiest part of this thing. I mean, pushing myself through every exercise is still a hassle sometimes but it's funny how a week's worth of going to the gym and doing legit workouts make it something that feels like it already needs to be part of my day. I love going there, I love that they're starting to recognize me, I love that I KNOW I'm kicking major butt because of the way my body is reacting and I just. Ugh. It's so great.

Even though I haven't quite seen an outward change yet, I already feel a change within me. I still have the same amount of time during the day, but I feel like I can focus better. I'm working on art again. I'm finishing books I haven't finished before. I don't feel like I'm in so much of a rush anymore? I used to get off work and bolt it home to be on the computer. Now I'm finding that I can appreciate stuff like I used to. Like the sunsets and the Utah skies. I can sit in my car for a few minutes, just to the listen to the rain. I'm listening to music more again. I go into random restaurants just to sit alone and read.

I feel like most of this is all coming back to the fact that I'm starting to enjoy my own company again. I'm alone a lot and when I'm alone I'm usually consumed with a need to be around people. Now? I don't know. I like having moments by myself. I like going to the movies by myself sometimes. I like sitting in restaurants and enjoying meals by myself. I feel like it's really empowering and liberating and I like my own company.

I suppose that's a good thing since you should always shoot to be the kind of person you'd want to hang out with yourself.

Anyways, THIS is what I'm talking about for lifestyle change. Finding this target and this direction is what I've been looking for all along and it's only going to get better as I continue to get stronger. It means a lot to me that if I can say NO to a certain food type or YES to a workout and make myself behave, I really have the control I need to make it out of the rest of my situations.

I dunno if that makes sense haha.

Anyways, so yeah. This weekend will all be cooking, so I'll be sure to post some pictures of that.

AND THEN I'LL POST A PICTURE OF THE GIANT FAN IN PLANET FITNESS.

IT'S SO BIG.

Sometimes I find myself staring at it thinking, "Hello fan, please to not be crushing me now."

I know this sounds completely ridiculous but you'll understand when I get you a picture tomorrow.

Just a shoutout, really quick, to everyone who has been consistantly supporting me so far. I cannot tell you how much that means to me. I don't know what I'd do without you all and telling you about this was the best thing I've ever done.

Anyways,

I hope you all have a good weekend!

Dot dot dot

I saw I was leaving a lot of those in my titles on accident so I decided to make fun of myself a little.

Today was hard, not going to lie. The food poisoning from the stupid fish hasn't quite gone away yet (either that or I have a bug) and it's taking a toll on the energy and motivation I have. This thing is hard enough without something fighting my body on the sidelines too.

I was about ready to stay home and call it quits. I was in tears because of life stress and body stress and stressing about this new diet - and then I decided this was the time I needed to go to the gym most.

I've decided the gym has to become my new comfort food. Even if I don't go to work out, I need to bring a book and just sit down in the nice little waiting area they have there and just surround myself in the atmosphere because if I don't, I'm going to lose my momentum.

Anyways, I did go to the gym today. I powered through lower body workouts - all up until the calf machine and I had to stand and wait for some girl to finish up. She kept pausing to watch the TV and stare at her phone to text and I was just standing there like - hey! That weight you got on that machine is impressive, but I'll be even more impressed if you get off your phone and let me work!

She finally moved. Yesssssss.

I was supposed to do a longer, less strenuous run, but I'm starting to find out that the treadmill is REALLY not good for my knees. I ended up power walking for a half an hour. Not as good as I'd hoped, but it's still SOMETHING.

Eating is turning out to be the hardest thing for me. Remembering to eat and then having my food still unprepared in general is driving me nuts. I've been making attempts to start my meals, but I get home these days around 7-8pm and I have to be in bed at nine to make sure that when I get up at five? I'm good for work the next morning. I'm going to try my best this week, but I don't think my legit eating cycle will be able to start until this weekend, when I have two days to prep and ready myself for the following week. I have to start eating what I have though, so we'll work on partially being awesome!

So I told you yesterday that I'd make a list of wants from this lifestyle change. I'm trying to stay motivated and so far, EVERY single one of you have been absolutely amazing about it. I love it when you talk to me like this change is something that's for SURE going to happen. Your faith in me gives me faith in myself.

1. I want to be happier and have more direction in my life.

2. I want to lose weight (duh)

3. I WANT TO GET A BRAND NEW WARDROBE (if anyone wants to conditionally donate this based on my success I'm totally up for grand prizes ;P )

4. I want nice arms.

Those are the solid ones I have so far. I guess another one would be I WANT THIS TO BE EASIER but the only way for it to be easy is to get through the hard stuff. Sigh.

Anyways, maybe I'll think of more later.

Thank you for your continuous support.

You are all incredible inspirations to me.

And so it begins...

Ugh.

UGH.

So, today I had my High Intensity Interval Training after I worked my upper body and my abs. Working on my upper body was tough and I couldn't finish the number of reps I was supposed to - but I'm mostly basing it off what I can and can't do. So if I can only do fine of a set, I try and do six. If that six turned out to be easier than I thought, I try and do seven.

Now I need to let you know I don't look cool doing this at all. Movies make people pushing their limits look so fierce and exhausted and gorgeous with their sweat sheen in all the right parts of their head but I gotta tell you, I just looked like a wiggly noodle trying to push up ten pounds. It didn't bother me though. I found out something cool working out today - no one cares.

Literally. Go to the gym. No one is actually looking at you. If you work out on a machine where you're forced to face someone, everyone does their best to NOT stare at you because wow is that awkward or what. So if you avoid going to the gym because you think people are going to be staring and thinking, what are they doing here? Ignore it. Trust me they don't look. And if they do, it's probably because your shin makes a really good focal point when working out.

Anyways, so back to me whining. The ab training was tough too. I'd rather do a few right and wobble out then do a whole bunch wrong and make the rep mark. So I did a few right and I'll being paying for it in the morning.

The HIIT was tough as well but I have to tell you how satisfied I was to feel it. It was even satisfying to sweat (but also super super gross I mean ewwwww).

Proper after gym-wear. Slippers!

After the gym I hobbled to my car and went home, begged for some pressure from my mom and then got in the shower and took off to a two hour trip to Walmart because I don't know what healthy foods look like. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have gone right after a workout because all I wanted was a huge box of cheezits and all of the Bagel Bites the world can carry and wanted nothing to do with spinach but hey. Live and learn right?

How do adult?

After two recommendations, I also bought me a George Foreman and a Brita water filter so I can drink my gallons of water a day and do it with nice water.

Overwhelmed with health.

It's a really nice water thing.

I got home and begged my roomies (who get up as early as I do so we all sleep at about eight-nine) to rise from the ashes and help me carry in my groceries and then...

Sigh.

I purged every bit of food I have that wasn't part of Kristy's approved list. Purging meaning my roomies really made out let me tell you.

Anyways, I am EXHAUSTED and all I want to do is whine about how big of a bill that was but I guess people don't buy George Foreman's every trip they take to Walmart.

Tomorrow, I think, if I'm awake enough, I'll make a list of selfish goals I want. I mean OTHER than the lifestyle change, there are some things I definitely want to get out of this for sole personal pleasure.

Like getting some guns.

If you squint really hard you can pretend there's a bump.

See? No guns.

I guess this is the time when I should be trying my hardest to work on optimism.

Okay let's give it a go.

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

That works for me~

Night everybody~

Getting Started...

Oops I missed a few days to write, I'm sorry.

Anyways, so on Friday I had my first work out with Kristy.

Gym time!

She taught me how to use all the gym equipment there and let me tell you I could FEEL everything. Tomorrow, I start getting down to business again at the gym with my official workout routines so it'll be great to see how it goes from there.

Working out was a struggle for my upper body for the most part, my abs next and then the easiest came from my legs. Thank goodness for leg power right? At least I know I've gotten a start somewhere. It really struck me after the work out how I had muscles hurting that I didn't even know were there. I mean - I'm an artist, of course I knew they were there - but really they weren't because I have zero muscles for the most part. I'm going to change this ya hear?

So many notes! If anyone knows how to flip pictures IN blogger, that'd be great.

Anyways, before the work out, I hadn't had time to eat a lot and Kristy urged me to get some tuna in me for the protein needed for the workout. I popped a can and started eating it on my way over. BIG MISTAKE.

For basically the whole weekend, I was absolutely sick ridden with cramps and, TMI, bright orange diarrhea. I searched and searched the web to see what could be wrong with me, especially when I was assaulted by it every twenty minutes on average. I found out that most, if not all of those with my exact symptoms, had eaten a fish called an escolar right before the sickness struck. Escolar have a type of skin, I think, that has an oil in it that people can't digest. They're a real health problem. Now I knew I had that tuna so I wasn't sure but - after some more research, I found that it's VERY COMMON for escolar to be sold fraudulantly under the name of tuna. Can I tell you how MAD I was? I was sick ridden  because some moron packaged the wrong fish? UGH! I'm never buying THAT brand again.

Anyways, tomorrow will be a busy day. I have work and then my workout and then it's time to go grocery shopping finally for my new way of eating. 

I was going to do it tonight but unfortunately I ran out of time. I'm a little upset that tomorrow's the official start and I'll be late with the program on the food aspect but eh. I can't let that bother me. Usually, I'd say "No, this has to start EXACTLY right or I won't do it" and wait until next Monday but let's face it, I get really creative with procrastination and that needs to stop. So workout tomorrow and grocery shopping tomorrow. SO nervous but I know I can do it. 

Speaking of food though, here's my dinner I had tonight - 

Potluck!

Me and my roomies do these potlucks together and provide pieces of meals and then we eat and hang out together. SO much fun and the food is ALWAYS amazing. We have the greatest time talking and laughing. We'll still get to do this on my new lifestyle - I'll just have to introduce a few new things to them! ;)

Anyways, it's bed time for me! I'll let you know how tomorrow goes!

-Caitlin